Practically Scottish

Spammy ham wham

2011-04-20T14:59:00.002+01:00

So every month or so I get an e-mail notifiying me of a new comment on my blog and I get all excitable and open up the e-mail to find this:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Gardening fun"

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But then when I check the blog the comments never actually appear. Is Blogger catching comments and then removing them? It seems quite strange. I know I could put one of those security 'enter the word' but I think that given I blog about gardening and not national security it would be a slight over-reaction.

Gardening fun

2011-04-06T08:32:00.001+01:00

I am writing to you from the discomfort of my living room. The contents of the kitchen are spread across two rooms, the new fridge and dishwasher are in the living room alongside many, many boxes of pieces of kitchen cabinets. I would like this to be over soon please.

I've been at home since Monday, the plan being that I was going to 'work' from home whilst the kitchen was being fitted. Monday was fine, I managed some sort of productivity but Tuesday arrived, the electric was switched on and off throughout the morning, appliances were delivered, sawing and banging began and I came to the conclusion that any sane person would - "fuck this for a laugh, I'm just going to take 2 days holiday'. So like a rock star I spent it in the garden.

I wish I had some 'before' photos to post from last year but they are currently on my desktop which is underneath 5 serving dishes, a set of pans, 2 bags of tinned food and access to the room is being guarded by the freezer. Suffice to say, we've come quite a long way and I'm quite proud of it in a middle-aged, middle class sort of way.

I spent a lot of yesterday digging and sieving over the main veggie patch. Last year the neighbours used this bit to plant a whole load of different stuff that either overshot due to the excessive use of Miracle Grow or just got forgotten about. So this year we've decided to be a bit more realistic about what we're actually going to use. Taters precious. All taters.

More digging and sieving for the 2nd smaller patch. It used to be some sort of rockery but I've heard you can't eat rocks so what the fuck use is that to me? Out it all came and shall be replaced by surface type vegetables like beetroot, onions and courgettes.

Finally there's the greenhouse and the little kitchen herb garden. No photo of that yet as it currently home to an extractor fan and a washing machine but shall soon be a haven of salad and herbs......

Rock 'n' roll.

- Emily

Holiday and other things

2011-03-26T21:45:00.001Z

We just got back from 2 weeks in Singapore and Thailand so I am now feeling cold and depressed BUT I have a shiny new iPad on which to write that I am cold and depressed and that is helping. I even bought the keyboard dock with the pretence that I am going to use the shiny iPad to be Productive and Manage My Life More Effectively and not just to fling cartoon birds at pigs. We'll see how it goes.

In other news we are about to embark upon The Great Decorating Spree of 2011. Week after next the new kitchen is being fitted, followed by the tiling, followed by the re-wallpapering of the living room. We have a stack of pictures and posters waiting to be framed so once all that is finally sorted out I'm hoping the house will pretty much be done. (I'm aware that houses are never done but ya ken what I mean).

Finally, next time the Aberdonian climate decides to be anything other than pish I'm going out to start the garden. I think it's entirely reasonable to assume that by the end of the year we will be totally self-sufficient.

- Emily

Happie Noo Yur!

2011-01-02T21:44:00.002Z

I love New Year, it's my favourite holiday by far. I like the arbitrary cut-off that it allows you, that mistake was last year, this is a new year therefore nothing counts any more. Brilliant. Also good for making the obligatory resolutions - it's good to have goals (I have already written three lists under the umbrella heading of LIFE PLAN. Mostly boring stuff like 'open joint account. Take meter readings. The joys of co-habitation and non-dramatic life).

Anyway, without further ado, the list of resolutions/ goals for 2011. On here rather than Facebook as I'm more likely to find this post next year here (unless I set a goal of writing more blogs of course). In no particular order of importance or likelihood to occur:

1. Get green belt in taekwondo

2. Weigh about 18lbs less than I do now

3. Get first author publication

4. Be better at ringing people

5. Attempt to learn Spanish. From an iPhone app. So really attempt to be able to get the gist of written Spanish.

6. Plan wedding.

7. Be more successful at gardening.

8. Finish decorating the bloody house.

A quick rant at Sony

2010-12-02T09:08:00.002Z

I bought a PSPgo about 3 weeks ago as my old launch PSP-1000 refused to be played unless plugged in, a fatal flaw for a handheld gaming device. Sony decided to try a little experiment with the PSPgo and made it a download only console -a pretty brave step given that it meant rendering useless all those disc based games people have already bought for their old PSPs. That said I commend them for their efforts. Bill Gates has already said that this is likely to be the last generation of consoles that use physical media and it's download and cloud from here on out so I think Sony did a Good Thing. They experimented on a platform that doesn't have magic sales figures (well, compared to the rival DS anyway), and I hope this was a learning exercise so that for the PSP2 they know what they are doing.

Anyway. One of the reasons I bought the PSPgo instead of getting a much cheaper old style PSP was because it came with 10 free games (high initial price point = low sales = PROMOTION!). To get my 10 free games did I:

a) use the code provided in the box

b) enter the unique serial number of my PSPgo into a website that then provided me with a code

c) ring Sony quoting serial numbers etc to be provided my code

d) download a theme off the PSN (Playstation equiv. of App Store) that then triggered a request to Sony that came with the proviso that my free code should arrive by e-mail within 30 (THIRTY) days.

d) obviously otherwise this wouldn't be a rant. I understand that Sony need to ensure they don't give away free games to people who haven't bought a new PSPgo and putting the codes in the box would be a logistical nightmare for those units that have already shipped to retailers. But why not b) or c) Sony? You are a very large company, I am quite sure you have the expertise required to make website b).

More to the point, this information was not forthcoming at the point of sale. There are pedants who live in the forums (and write blogs like this) that point out that there is a full description of the convoluted method and time frame you must endure in the Terms and Conditions.

Dear Sony Computer Entertainment (and pedants),

Have you ever read the T&C?

Ever?

For anything??

No.

It's fine to pull shit like this if you are going to say upfront 'yeah you get 10 free games but you're not going to get them immediately so quit your whining'. But don't hide it in the terms and conditions because all that achieves is filling up forum after forum with people posting 'WEARS MY GAMES, IVE BE WEIGHTING 4 AGES'. I'm also going to have a little Daily Mail moment and say can you imagine waking up on Christmas Day to find that the snow will have melted (please god let the snow melt soon) before you will get to play anything on your very expensive paperweight. THINK OF THE CHILDREN SONY.

I take it back.

2010-11-09T10:12:00.001Z

Are you having problems with your sexuality?

2010-10-15T16:25:00.001+01:00

I came out to my 80 year old grandmother a couple of weeks ago and it did not go down awfully well. I tell a small lie here, I actually came out to my granddad who did not seem to mind and was kind enough to tell my grandma for me. Anyway, the night she was told I had a phone call, “are you having problems with your sexuality?” she asked, sounding very concerned. “No” I replied, “I am not having problems with my sexuality, this is just the way I am”.

“Oh. Well I’m sorry to hear that”.

I, along with the rest of my family (who have known for years), had assumed that she was going to blame my parents or my older sister or my intrinsic amorality (no-one ever entertained the idea that she was going to take it well, she thinks Nick Griffin has ‘some good ideas’) but instead she is rather desperately groping for an external source of blame, so far:

My partner
My job (experimental psychologists are known for their wicked ways)
Stress
Loneliness
My university education
The friends I made whilst getting my university education
The drugs the friends I made whilst getting my university education made me take

She has also entered a new phase, the ‘it’s just a phase’ phase. She writes me letters, about one a fortnight, and in the most recent one she told me the heart-warming tale of her friend who managed to find love at the grand old age of 37. Of course it was prefixed by ‘friendships are all very well and good but Mr Right has to come along at some point’.

She also seems to have gone into denial. My grandma has a history of changing details of a story to suit what she thinks is best and then palms it off as a memory lapse if said details don’t change to her liking. I’ve told her 3 times now that I’m spending Christmas day with the in-laws and still I am asked what my plans are.

It could be so much worse. She could have stopped speaking to me, she could be ringing me up and calling me every name under the sun, she could have sent me a highlighted bible. I think the problem is that I had answers to all those things, nice, firm, self-righteous ‘how dare you call me a XXXXX’ answers whereas I seem to be limited to ‘it’s just the way I am. It’s just the way I am’. If I don’t come up with something more original soon I’m going to accidentally start rapping the next time I’m on the phone to her.

I'm spending September 2011 under a rock.

2010-10-11T11:29:00.000+01:00

Things that happened in September, in no particular order of seriousness or head-fuckery:

My best friend’s heart decided to explode but after many hours of open heart surgery is now ok. Cue many introspective, dramatic “how fragile life is” moments.
Two family members were in a rather serious car crash. See above.
My hair straighteners exploded.
We spent hunners of pounds on curtains and curtain pole and then failed to follow the ‘measure twice, cut once” rule.
Spent hunners of pounds on a second curtain pole.
I came out to my Grandma. This did not go down awfully well and will be hilariously detailed in another blog post.

Things that have happened in October thus far:

Chavtastic youths decided to go down our street and rip off all the side mirrors off the cars.
Our upstairs neighbour’s washing machine flooded into our living room.
I start teaching statistics to second year psychology students. Hahahahahaha. Oh dear.

For some much needed positivity:

We started going to taekwondo classes.
I have lost 10lbs, 4 inches and 2 dress sizes and now own a pair of very expensive jeans.
There may be a relationship between the last two statements. But let’s not be hasty.

Conclusion.

2010-10-06T13:32:00.001+01:00

Don't use bloggerPlus app for blogging n

Portrait mode fine just fine.

Landscape mode (I.e. Only mode possible for typing at more than 2 words a minute on iPhone) useless. Can't see text. Excellent product testing.

Adventures in iPhone blogging apps.

2010-10-06T13:06:00.001+01:00

Will it work? Who knows? I don't appear to be shelf to see what I'm typing. An oversight I feel.

Minimum alcohol pricing

2010-09-09T13:42:00.005+01:00

There was yet another letter in the paper today complaining about the proposed minimum pricing for alcohol arguing that it would harm responsible drinkers, kill small puppies and increase the population of Islamic terrorists on benefits (I paraphrase).

The idea is simple, raise the minimum price of one unit of alcohol to 45p. This will make some drinks more expensive and hopefully put off liver damage for an extra year. BUT NOOOOOOOOOO! they cry THINK ABOUT THE GRANNIES, NANNY STATE, HARMING THE AVERAGE WORKING MAN.

This annoys me. It takes no time at all to think about it and realise, that actually, it's only the kinds of drinks that you would only ever drink because you want to get shitfaced, fall over, dance, fall over, eat chips and cheese and maybe wake up in a bed that's not your own that will actually get more expensive.

To help all the poor souls who can't think this through because they are too busy stockpiling bottles of Jacob's Creek I made a graph. There is nothing that can't be made better with a nice graph.

The graph shows the increase or decrease (percentage, not absolute) in price between the current price in Tesco and the price that would be enforced with the 45p proposal. Just for some graphy fun, see if you can guess which bar equates to which drink; your choices are:

Tennents lager

Baileys

Jacob's Creek chardonnay

Diamond white cider

Glen's vodka

Stella artois

Montana sauvignon blanc

Carlsberg special brew

Becks lager

WKD blue

Absolut vodka

Isn't this fun?!

To conclude: Unless you serve Diamond White at your dinner parties, or you're a doctor who finds treating unconscious drunk 14 year olds fun, STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING.

2010-09-05T17:49:00.006+01:00

So. I've been guilt-tripped into starting up the blog again. I'm pretty sure that there's only two people that read it and one of those is responsible for the guilt-tripping. If your name isn't Helen or Dougal, please leave a comment, even if it's blank just so I can confirm my suspicions.

Reasons for stopping blogging? Life took on a Jerry Springer-esque quality and I didn't think it was appropriate to chronicle every ridiculous life choice I was making - though as Dougal pointed out, lots of people like reading blogs about other people's ridiculous lives, so in hindsight maybe I should have continued and I'd have my own-mini-series by now.

Life now? Less worthy of dramatisation but oh-so-bloody-much-better. In no particular order, these are the kinds of things I will be blogging about from now on, if you find them boring.....blame Dougal.

Gardening

Cats, and the expensive nature thereof.

Walking up big fuck-off hills.

Psycholinguistics.

My big lesbian wedding

Killing myself at the gym to ensure I don't have a big, fat, lesbian wedding.

It's coming.

2010-09-05T09:59:00.001+01:00

Dougal, I hope you are happy.